I Care About You ♡

Listening is a gift we give to one another. Listening is one of the most important ways of expressing that we care, and it is only when we listen that we learn. To me, it is extremely important to feel like I am heard as it makes me feel a little more important in this fast paced world filled with people who have an attitude of "too hip, gotta go". 

I believe that I need to add that it is as important for me to listen and make sure that I understand what I am hearing so as to make sure I truly understand the importance of what is being said. So in a way, it becomes a form of circular communication, that is, to listen and be heard and to show that I care. 

For Fun and Kicks ☺

Oh, for the love of an Oreo. Can you just imagine life without them? If you're thinking that I am an owner of Nabisco, sadly, I am not. I am just so happy to taste those sweet, sugar filled, chocolate nuggets of joy. 

Well, no doubt, I  love them, kids love them and they leave such a lovely look with that dark brown crumminess in between your teeth sure to impress.  

Oh, to be an Oreo. The beloved little circle of joy. Uh-Oh, it's another Oreo!  You can stick them up your nose and you can put them in your toes, so here goes. What more could you want but an Oreo?

The picture is of this baby's first Oreo. What a delight!

The Cat Who Always Came Back

The cat who always came back. I have a cat who I call "the cat in the hat who always comes back" because true enough, my cat, who we now call "mini me" is the oddest kind of cat imaginable. We discovered that he was a she and she is a delight. More over, this cat came to us with no fur and very little for brains but as sweet as you can imagine. When I had the stroke three plus years ago I heard about the cat that drifted into our yard and into our lives and oh how silly this cat is. She knocks things over constantly (she's very uncoordinated) which is probably the reason I call her "that darned cat " and she has since become loved by one and all. Her main occupation after entering herself into our lives as a skinny, skinny, little hairless runt is knocking things over by walking and jumping along windowsills as well as dressers and I guess, well, you name it. She even likes to sleep on rocks and cabinet files! In any case, we are all very tickled at the beautiful fur that she sports three years later. Even though she knocks things over  constantly, we all love her to death. One never knows how blessed a little kitten can be once they rid themselves of fleas and jump about along your windowsills. And so it goes with this crazy little cat who fell out of the hat and into our hearts. 

To My Brave Golden Haired Boy

There is a little boy that I know so well. He used to be a tiny tot, but now he is not. His name is Matthew. He likes to use the name Matt because it has three less letters he has to write. I vowed that I would never let a day go by without telling him how loved he is and until his departure for college, I have lived up to that promise. Ah ha, however, now there is this thing called Facebook which allows me to continue my promise once made when he was such a little boy with long golden hair and kisses all over his sweet body. Oh how I miss those days! Where did they go? I look at him now as he stands at 6'2'' . All I can say is my boy has grown and I am so proud of that boy that now stands so tall beside me. He will never understand the love that I have for him. He even once said :"stop loving me so much, you love me too much." Someday those same words he will hear again with his own child. They will resound and perhaps he will remember those days gone by where he was loved and kissed and I was able to make him giggle. Oh how I miss those beautiful green eyes and giggly laugh.  Yes my Matthew, you will always be my Matthew even though there are fewer letters in the name Matt you will still and forever be my Matthew who I tickled and giggled with and told you that I loved you everyday of your life. Yes, Matthew, it is the promise I made that I will never let a day go by without reminding you of how much you are loved. 

 Now it's your turn to find the lovely future mother and have your own children that you will love and make giggle just the way I did with you. Please make sure you show them the patience that you were rewarded with just for being you, and indeed you were in need of much patience! 

Oh my Gosh, my sweet little green eyed tower of bravery who I promised that I would love everyday and so I have even through times where you scared the life out of me and the doctors but you even then showed your bravery and always always always I just loved you my sweet little green eyed love. I love you Matthew. 

I heard that you were out braving the snow at the top of Mauna Loa and I hope that you are finding that joyous time that can be so rare when life gets moving so fast. 

I wish you all the love, joy, laughter, and all that God gave to you that you must now remember so that you can pass on those lovely days of getting tickled by your mom and loved and cuddled and forever told how much you mean to me. May your life be filled with joy, grip onto it my son, take it, hold onto it and never be afraid to love. Matthew, oh how you are loved. I write you this with what you would expect, tears in my eyes. But remember, that's one way of knowing how much somebody cares for you. To my little golden haired, silly boy who I love with all my heart. Love, Mom.   

Love of Laughter

Now that we've gotten to know each other a little better, I want to bring back the laughter and the silliness that is more of who I really am instead of just the sad lady who lost a lot and has fought for her life back and is slowly gaining it back again. This is how I want my children to think of me when they read this ten years on or twenty years on. I want them to see who Mom really was AND still is. The vibrant, happy go lucky lady who loves to laugh. My laughter is like the hallmark of my personality and how I desire to be remembered  forever and ever. ☺

The laughter that I'm known for with so many I have been kidded about, kind of made fun of, and perhaps even chided for in a tongue and cheek way, but all in good humor I would say. Everyone has always made fun of me since I do laugh a lot- and loudly. Anybody that knows me knows of my love of laughter and I make no apologies for that. I will always be remembered for my funny antics and crazy things that depict my sense of humor. Essentially, laughter is the key to my soul and I love to find humor in most anything and laughter in nearly everything. These are the things that I want to be remembered for.  Anyone who is reading this today will find a chuckle from some crazy or silly or downright dumb thing I have done. But overall, I hope that I will be remembered for my love of life and my  Jua du vivre (Love of Life) those who know French better than I,  please check spelling and get back to me ☺

There are so many things that I would love to comment about at this time. There are such wonderful people that I have known in my life and that I am so blessed to have known. 

Remember how I love to ski and the people that I have taught to ski and the people that I have dived with by snorkeling and by a little bit of scuba diving? Those fortunate (or otherwise) people that found my questionable sense of humor left upon their faces. Those are the things that I would like to be remembered for and not just the things that have happened in the last three to four years. I simply want to restate my love of life that I hope to be known by for many years to come and that maybe some of you might restate a funny memory in response to this blog.☺

Oh God I want my Life Back!

I want to talk about how much I loathe my walker. At first I was excited to use the wheelchair and then I discovered that it was akin to wanting to watch it burn. When the fire was over, I was hoping the whole thing would be over too, like a bad dream. But alas it turned out to be some faulty dream as though someone slipped it in my pocket. And now I have the next dream, and that is learning to use a walker. And I used to think that it would be a nightmare to have to use a cane but in reality I can't even use a cane yet. All my fears used to be born of "Oh my God, I don't ever want to have to use a wheelchair" and now I get to look forward to the almighty walker. Oh, God save me now, I have yet another thing to look forward to, but I'm a long way from it still. I am just now at the place where I can say that I can just begin to use the high speed walker with the hopes and prayers that I won't fall and break my hip again. Oh Lord, no one understands the enormity of what this is but certainly I can tell you what it is not. It is not fun and neither is the cancer that followed. Why Lord? Why me? The last thing I want to do is complain. I want everyone to see my success and yet what I feel is so much pain. My sciatic nerve is out and I thought that once I got the surgery... Oh my God I've had so many surgeries I can't even count them now. Yet I still do not want to sound ungrateful for each day but at the same time I feel like my life was stripped and I don't know how to set it on it's legs again. My life I mean. All I want to do is have my life back again, yes, that is all I want to do is a have my life back again. Where the pain doesn't grip each waking hour and the sadness is not apparent to everyone. These are the things that I pray for but they seem to be always three steps away. And yet I shall not show my sadness. I shall not show the enormity of the pain. What I want to do is have my life again. Oh GOD I LONG TO HAVE MY LIFE BACK AGAIN! Why on Earth did someone take my life away and leave this mess in it's wake? Oh God I want my life back. Oh God, I want my life back. And yet I don't want to sound ungrateful because everyone says I am doing so well, but I sound like a complainer and what I really am is sitting in a very lonely place where no one can really understand, no one but a few, if that. Oh God I want my life back. So I stand here with my walker saddled beside me. I want my life back and my friends back, all the lost friendships, or so it seems. I mean, do they ever come back? Or is this just the way life is? Never to be repeated. Yes, and never to be reinstated.